Empathy in Wedding Planning
Jenna LeRoy Photography
On February 16, 2024, OSO IN LOVE was featured on the Eventful Endeavors Podcast with host Jake Ashey. Take a listen as Jake and Rob discuss the OSO IN LOVE experience, as well as OSO’s philosophy, rooted in empathy.
Empathy in wedding planning is about understanding the emotions behind every decision—seeing the day through the couple's eyes and feeling their joy, excitement, and sometimes, their stress.
Empathy is the ability to see things from another's perspective and feel their emotions. Planning a wedding can be a very high-stress situation for many couples. It is full of excitement, fear, and anxiety. The wedding planning process can also be highly emotional, which can add additional stress. That is why empathy is the root of everything that we do at OSO in Love.
Putting yourself in another person's shoes might lead you to act with compassion and do what you can to improve their situation. Here are some important ways that you can practice empathy in your business and personal life.
Listen More Than You Speak
It is common to speak at least twice as much as we listen. Sometimes, we get so caught up in explaining something that we fail to consider how what we are saying might make the other person think or feel.
An empathetic person actively listens and repeats what was heard to clarify that their understanding is accurate. Then the empathetic person speaks after carefully considering what they've heard.
At OSO in Love, we strive to practice active, empathetic listening with each other, as well as with our couples, creative partners, and vendors.
Here are some tips to help you become a more active listener and implement empathy into your communication:
Commit your undivided attention to the conversation. This means no cell phones, tablets, or computers. Maintain steady eye contact, responsive cues, and a forward-leaning posture.
Let the speaker speak. Give them the time to finish their thoughts without interrupting. Silence is a great way to hold space for the other person.
Summarize your understanding of what the speaker just said. Once the speaker has finished talking, summarize your account back to them. Then ask, “Am I understanding this correctly?”
Ask insightful, relevant, and nonjudgmental questions. Tap into your natural curiosity to understand the other person’s perspectives, thoughts, and feelings. Ask open-ended questions as much as possible.
Allow the other person to vent. When someone is having troubles, they may be emotionally flustered. That’s okay. Give them the space they need to feel that. Let them talk from their heart and share how they feel. Often, this will lead them to discover their own solutions. Helping the other person find answers or solutions to what is making them feel frustrated is ideal and a sign of a true empath.
Express Your Perspective
After the other person has shared, you’re in an excellent position to express empathy by voicing how you’d feel in that same situation.
For example:
"I imagine that must make you feel incredibly stressed."
"You are doing so well in this difficult situation. How can I support you?"
"It’s hard for me to imagine how that must feel; I feel frustrated just thinking about it."
Don’t Be Afraid to Be Vulnerable
Too many professional conversations stay in emotional "safe zones," afraid of offending the other person. We fear vulnerability because we worry about how others may perceive us. Brené Brown—a brilliant researcher at the forefront of vulnerability—disagrees. Brown says that vulnerability actually helps us connect with others on a deeper level because it communicates that we’re human, complete with our own weaknesses, hurts, and fears. This creates a feeling of "sameness" that gives the other person something to connect to. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and show vulnerability, as this often leads to a greater sense of connection and stronger relationships.
Here are three steps to practice being more vulnerable in your interactions with others:
After actively listening to the other person, think of a time you were in a similar situation or imagine how they could be feeling.
Express your emotions to the other person, showing that you want to understand their feelings and that their feelings are valid.
Share what you learned through your own experience, which may help give another perspective or comfort them in feeling less alone.
These comments are great examples to show you understand how the other person feels. Try to imagine exactly what they’re going through and take an empathetic approach. Put yourself in their shoes and experience the moment as if it were happening to you. Let your emotions and intuition guide you. Once you’ve tapped into those emotions, share them. More often than not, your emotional response will be very similar to theirs. This can help the other person feel understood and heard, leading to a deeper connection between you both.
Don’t Make Assumptions
We’ve all heard the saying, “Assume and make an ass of you and me.”
Assumptions are detrimental to empathy. To have assumptions is to harbor deeply rooted preconceived notions that are not based on true understanding or experience.
People often resort to assumptions as shortcuts to solve a problem, such as trying to understand how a new contact thinks. However, when we make assumptions, we don’t get to see the full picture. We don’t actually solve the issue; we just project our own perspectives onto it.
Here’s why assumptions are dangerous to empathy:
When you make an assumption, the understanding you draw is rarely a good match to the problem the other person is facing. As a result, the connection you try to make may feel forced and unnatural.
This can leave the other person thinking, “She just doesn’t understand my situation,” or, “He’s not someone I can turn to because he doesn’t listen.” As you might imagine, these conclusions often cause people to withdraw.
Don’t rush empathy. Don’t try to empathize before truly understanding the situation. Take the time to listen and ask qualifying, non-judgmental questions before connecting with the other person.
Use Your Imagination
It’s likely that you won’t be able to relate to every single experience of every person you encounter. But to be truly empathetic, you still need some form of connection and understanding. One way to develop this skill is to use your imagination. The ability to imagine what someone else is feeling—even if we haven’t experienced it ourselves—is critical to empathy.
If you enjoy reading, pick up a book and focus on the character’s actions and feelings for empathy examples. Watching a movie or television series and trying to put yourself in the characters’ situations can also be a great way to strengthen your imagination.
